The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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