Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
