the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
