There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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