Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
