google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
