we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
