I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
