yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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