so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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