3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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