i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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