I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
