i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
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He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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