I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
