He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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