So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
