Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
