I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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