I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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