Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
