I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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