This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
