dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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