Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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