Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
