Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
