I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
