From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
