yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
