I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
