she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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