i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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