I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
