Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
