i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
