Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
