Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
