I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
