Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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