i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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