Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
