He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
is this the sara with the beer cane?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
