At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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