I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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