Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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