Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
