Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
