literally had 100 drinks last night.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.