Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Welp...herpes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
