Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
