Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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