I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
