Already got asked if we're dating
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
