i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
