I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
