I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
