The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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