found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
