literally had 100 drinks last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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