i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
