i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
