At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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