I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
