LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
