You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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