me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
