i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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