It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
