We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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