My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
