TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
