I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
